Tours 2007 Fines Special

Around tour time, the honour of being finesmaster is accentuated by the knowledge that the Cavaliers will be fleeced even more so than usual. Tour fines are double-bubble, meaning that such things as a golden duck (£10), duck (£5), wearing pink shoes (£3) would swell the coffers. In fact, the first fine of tour went to Jay Wise for suggesting that fines should be "doublay-booblay" on tour even though they have been since 1998.

You would have thought that running the gauntlet would be an option to the usual suspects (no surprises to hear the names Lager Lloyd, Tooth, Jay and Elbow), but there were no takers. Probably something Ellis regretted after the first game (Tas Valley) when he decided to run-out three of his colleagues. As one was the finesmaster himself that really was poor judgement. That game racked up a club record of over £60, which was helped nicely by Tooth's colourful clothing, a load of ducks and 3 year-10s arriving late just as the fines were underway!

Due to worrying improvements in fielding and catching, true cricketing fines are somewhat of a bit-part thesedays (an awful C&B sitter dropped by BCR the exception). However, a couple of gems to come out of the weekend were both awarded to part-time bowlers. Lloydy bowled a magnificent spell which we can put down to him demanding a "wide-fine" fielder, which was equalled the following day at Saxmundham by Luka Fireman who informed the umpire he would be bowling from "inside left".

The Saxmundham game also saw a fantastic total of over £50, which was contributed to heavily by Jay Wise's HSBC share options. Turning up 24hrs late due to trying to cut straight lines in his wet lawn with a sit-on mower was enough to see £5 released from his wallet (relatively cheap as he was later heard saying, “these tours are over before you know it”). SOB also turned up late claiming to be at Alton Towers for the day, even though news had come through that he did not make the required height to get on any of the rides.

Perhaps the best fine of the day, however, was left to Ellis who was locked inside the changing rooms whilst sat on the loo. A red-faced (and red-bottomed) Elbow had to phone-a-friend to get released and was late for the start. Another late starter that game was Luka who was found buying feta and olive wraps at the local deli rather than fielding at square leg. (A fine made worse by the fact that someone else nailed his sandwich before he even took a bite)

Into the last day and the fines just kept coming. Our management duo, dubbed Risedale and O'Leary took some damage, as did Delia for his aerobics workout on the boundary. However, the big fines of the day went to Snow White and his 7 dwarfs who toured around the boundary during the game like a gaggle of geese. The dwarfs all went deaf and mute when a replacement for an injured SOB was called upon, which just added to their misery. Who was Snow White out of that rabble, you ask? There really is only one man for that role, eh Toothy?