Name: Richard Crutchley
Aka: Dick Crotchley, Ice-cream
Lookalikes: Barcelona Porn Star, A Pregnant Beetroot.
Best Batting: 9 (St Albans 2001)
Best Bowling: n/a (always bottles it)
Champagne Moment: Whilst facing a ball when on tour in Bournmouth, Dickie hung his bat out and edged it through to the wickie. The nick could be heard back in Stoke and the whole team appealed and the umpire quickly gave it. Dick glared down the wicket and told the umpire, “fuck off, I didn’t touch it”. When asked to walk for a second time the reply came “no, I’m not going anywhere you fucking cheat”.

- T Foster 06/2004