Name: Paul Clements
A.k.a: Clem, Leonard, Vi-Clem Solanki, Luminar
Lookalikes: Stefan Dennis
Best Batting: Hmm, good question
Best Bowling: Diito
Champagne Moment: Taking a great catch from a massive steepler at Verulam Park against the Hollybush, hurling the ball miles in the air and shouting "f*cking get in there!"only to find that he was 15 yards over the boundary when the catch was taken

Profile:

Nightclub tycoon-cum-70's love legend Paul Clements is one of a rare breed in the Cavaliers; an upper, and a leftie. When not entertaining the boss of Ann Summers in his Tenerife Towers penthouse, he'll be found on the golf course but, when press-ganged in to it by the other uppers (who are Matt and Luke Goss to Clem's Craig Logan) he's more than happy to do a job for the 'Liers (sponsored by the 'Eppercorn). Much of Vi-Clem's best work is done in the field, notably an outrageously good slip catch against Harpenden a couple of years back, and some excellent scampering around the boundary in most other matches. Unfortunately, the same boundary has witnessed one or two textbook Clem moments, such as parrying a lofted drive over the mid off boundary and in to a tree-house at the Ilford Tour match of 2004, and the now infamous safe pouching of a 6 so far beyond the boundary it was almost an 8.

Clem has been know to bowl slow left arm when the over rate needs to be accellerated or when the skipper wants to laugh the oppo in to submission. But, it is on tour when Clem really comes in to his own, using the Do You Know Who I Am? line to great effect to secure free entry to some of England's finest nightclub, including Elements in Bournemouth and the never-to-be-forgotten Le Jardin in Yeovil.

PS if you ever get the chance, ask Clem about the time the sole of his shoe fell of while he was having dinner with the aforementioned saucy lingerie and adult goods purveyor. It's a classic.

- F Tant 06/2004