Skipper Lloyd a Useless Tosser

HHC’s incumbent armband-holder today broke his silence about a disastrous run of results with the coin.

Not since Shenley in the second game of the season has Lloyd (31) called correctly, and it’s beginning to become something of a crisis of confidence. “Tails never fails, that’s what they say” said the skipper, “but that’s clearly a steaming pile of pony. I’ve called tails at every away game this season, but the blighter’s landed heads up. And I was gutted last Sunday against the Players and Jesters – I tossed the coin, the oppo skipper called tails and it bloody was tails! That’s seven in a row I’ve lost. FACT. A bit like Vaughan last season, I’m thinking of sending a senior pro like Snr out with the coin – although knowing the goat, I’d never get my 10p back!”

At certain times this season, losing the toss has been crucial – notably at Essenden where the pitch is genetically programmed to crumble at precisely 4.45pm so the team batting second is guaranteed to lose. However, Lloyd will acknowledge that there have also been some good tosses to lose, as you would want to neither bat first nor bowl first on some puddingy green tracks

The chances of calling incorrectly seven times in a row are 1 in 128 which is, coincidentally, the same probability of Timothy Foster getting a bat this season.