Roy
of the Overs - The Diary of a Tour
Virgin
By
Shaun Roy
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“Not another
bloody tour…” So wrote Phil Edmonds wife
Frances prior to the ‘86/’87 Ashes Tour.
Well for me the experience was quite novel, quite
fresh… unchartered.
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Day 1: Friday 9 June
13:30 An inauspicious start
When you “go on tour to Chester”
one could perhaps be forgiven for thinking that was where
you were actually going… well that was my thought
process anyway as the Club Captain and I took the scenic
route to our first match, which was in fact not in Chester
but four earlier junctions off the motorway, in Cholmondley.
Great - in the fines book before we even get on the pitch!
12:30 The Game
Without doubt one of the most picturesque
setting I or most of the Cavs have ever played on. Stunning
ground, couple of good batsmen and the awesome sight of
watching Toothy (AKA Nick Cotton) hurdling the stumps after
taking a wicket with his first ball.
19:00 The Fines
Good to see the oppo getting involved
in our post match fineage, and recommending a “nice
little Italian pizza place” for our first tour meal…
21:00 Nosebag
The restaurant was spot on .. if
you were taking a bird out on a first date. Fifteen lads
keen for the beers (oh sorry and the ’98 vintage Chablis,
Wisey) perhaps not ideal. The single lads fidgeted like
F1 racers on the grid – “lets be ‘avin
ya” was the consensus.
02:00 On it
The evening was substantial ... as
were the local birds, but still managed a last ditched lunge
at some scouser bird who I had been plying with booze and
strutting my not so funky stuff with all evening. I lunged
for the snog, she lunged for my wallet … standard
practice from our North Western brethren.
02:30 The Wong and Linding
Road
Spannered, and unable to find a taxi,
it was a walk back to the hotel (for a couple of nightcaps).
For me the highlight was stumbling upon a friendly busker
on the way home. We were all enjoying our singsong so much
that we didn’t even notice he had buggered off half
way through “Wonderwall”… leaving us singing
away. The boy had a talent, if not patience.
03:30 Hit the Hay
An early night – big game tomorrow.
Day 2: Saturday 10 June
08:00 Egg-chasing
An early start from a dedicated crew
to watch some irrelevant rugby game from the other side
of the world… personally can’t even remember
who won. Lloydy noted as being not present – “bit
like a busman’s holiday watching rugby”.
11.30 Tattoos
Cavs issued with a temporary tattoo
to affix on their (on the whole, large) bodies. Fines for
anyone who put theirs in the same area as another….
Nobody, it turns out, puts it where the Buzzard puts his…
14.30 The Big Game
Up against possibly the most hostile
attack faced in Cavalier history, the Cavs were reeling
at 20-4 (and an overflowing fines jar!). I’m ashamed
to admit I reverted into the type of playground bully we
all used to despise at school. Hook, pull, hook …
must be nearing the ton now I thought... message in from
Fozzie “Reckon we’ve got enough . You’re
on 92, do you really want a ton?”
“F*ck me fella, I rarely get a bat, never got a 50
you bet your arse I want a ton here”
Nudge, nurdle .. I’m there! An ostentatious kiss of
the special issue Cav’s tattoo on the left bicep and
it’s off to a ceremonial arch of bats. I am congratulated
by the oppo bowlers (who probably have a combined aged the
same as Toothy)… but as the Bangladeshis said last
Saturday against the Aussies – you can only play what
is in front of you!
21:00 Back on it
Big night out in Chester and I’m
utterly leathered after countless obligatory muckies &
shots. No action on the bird front for the 5 strong single
contingent – I think our away form needs some work.
04:30 Bed
(Alone)
Day 3: Sunday 11 June
14:30 Baltic
It’s freezing cold and the
lads not playing are happy to be cuddled up in the warmth
while the rest of us freeze our nuts off.
19:00 Game over
The Cavs choke and snatch a tie from
certain victory… but the tour is an unbeaten one despite
a great knock of 70 from Snr and a gutsy rearguard from
the skipper. One of the most unenthusiastic bowling displays
I’ve produced in the purple and black of the Cavaliers.
Eight hours kip and probably 50+ units in two nights lend
an excuse, but no forgiveness.
20:00 Tour Awards
A great fines ceremony and nervous
Player of the Tour voting brings a novel “phone a
friend” cliffhanger to the proceedings, with me and
Snr tied for the honour. Mitch is on the other end of the
line and I get the nod. Am honoured and humbled to have
my name etched alongside Cavalier greats such as Thorpe,
Handford & Wise on the trophy… it brings a swell
of emotion and pride as I view it on my mantelpiece each
morning. Also receive a stump signed by all the tourists
to commemorate the ton. Blinding
21:00 Heading home
Me and Brindo set off back down to
London, and it’s the end of the Tour for us –
although some of the lads able to get off work are staying
for a curry and another night of beer. A great first tour
without a doubt. Good cricket, decent weather and great
banter – a perfect mix!
To conclude….
For me special mentions in dispatches
must go to Firms for some truly special on-field moments
that really made the tour for me…
§ To the in coming (adult) batsman
in the Saturday game …“Welcome to the crèche”
§ “Sorry batsman… it was the wind.”
As he almost takes our second slip with a big wide.
§ Rattling 11 year old Evie’s lid as she is sent
packing with an Australian-esque “Ahhhh got ya!”
Awesome long weekend…
bring on 2006!
