On The Cavs Couch with Edith Cinnamon

Dr Edith Cinnamon is the resident sports psychologist for Harpenden Cavaliers Cricket Club and Dunstable Town FC. Her book “Don’t Talk To Me, I’m Zoning” was an international bestseller. Her follow-up “You’re Shit & You Know You Are” flopped. Through her unique approach to Group Psychology, Focus & Flow and Visualisation, her role is to impress upon The Cavaliers an unfettered sense of desire and to instill unshakeable confidence in the team.

Dr Cinnamon writes: I have been working with The Cavaliers for a number of summers and have seen them grow both as individuals and as a team. They are a likeable group of young men and easy to work with. As with many close-knit groups, they have developed their own language based on a combination of French and what I understand to be English slang. If there is one recurrent theme in my work with them, it is the intangible knack of being able to ‘deliver’ (or ‘delivio’). This concept dominates the verbal landscape. The team is divided into those who are able to ‘delivio’ on a regular basis and those who are not. Naturally, there is a gravitation towards the ‘delivios’, whilst those who have yet to find the knack of ‘delivioing’ tend to create a more ‘jokey’ persona for themselves as a way of fitting into the group – a prime example of Darwinism.

Other recurrent themes include methods of placating the ‘doris’ (girlfriend / wife), getting ‘on it’ (a euphemism for merriment) and a self-conscious obsession with the weather. Despite my warnings as to the potentially damaging effect, the team has insisted on sticking with ‘The Orange Cap’, bringing the Dantean motif of the beauty of rejection into play.

Below I have included a number of issues that individual Cavaliers have brought to me. All names have been removed;

I have now made four ducks in six innings and have little or no confidence in my ability with the bat, even though I know I can do it, I think. No, I can. Please help me; it is driving me (and my wife) round the twist.

I know this young man. He has ability. However, he does need to build his core confidence through the process of visualizing previous successes at a batsman. However, it could be that there are very few of these. If this is the case, he must try and make a couple of 50’s in the next few innings, in order to build his confidence once again. If he does that, he can then visualize these recent innings as he goes out to bat in the future. He must remember that no one else gives a monkey’s flip if he fails and should take heart from that.

I am the only one of the Cavaliers who went to Public School. As a result I am singled out for special treatment. They are always questioning me about what life was like at this school, whether there was man-on-man action, and insisting that we are all softies. One man in particular bullies me and only addresses me as ‘Bogey’, even though that is not my name. It is distressing in the extreme and I find it hard to concentrate in the face of such behaviour. Additionally I am a Muslim and feel doubly marginalized because of it. Please help.

We are all given roles in a group – some of us are seen as ‘leaders’, others are given ‘the joker’ mantle. To be seen as a ‘minority’ can work in two ways; some thrive on it, others can go under. It sounds as if you are experiencing some of the latter. The only way to cope in such circumstances is to play up to it, to be proud of the differences between you and your fellow cricketers. Glory in your experiences at public school. Pray to Allah whilst at the crease. Be yourself.

I don’t actually like cricket. It took me a while to realize this. I read a great deal for my job and it was whilst perusing CLR James’ “Beyond The Boundary” that it dawned on me. I hate it. It’s shit. Last time I played I split the webbing between my second and third fingers. It hurt. The problem is that, with the odd exception, these people are my friends. What to do?

Tell them. Be honest, upfront. People respect that, even if they do not like it. Say “I think cricket is shit” out loud, in the changing rooms when you next see them all. They will understand. Cricket can be a hard game, especially if you have had a succession of under-performances (which I imagine to be the true reason behind all of this). But yes, there are other things to do with your Sundays. You could see your girlfriend, if you have one, or one of the others players’ girlfriends, as they will most likely be at a loose end. There are choices.

If you have any further questions for Dr Cinnamon’s cricket surgery, please email them to harpenden.cavalier@ntlworld.com (quoting 'Cinnamon')