So to the big one. Harpenden CC on the Common. The scene of our formative years, of our first sips of lager, of hours of standing at fine leg hoping upon hope to ever get a bowl, of waiting in the pavilion for a rare chance to bat, while old men nibble and nurdle for over after over an in doing so drain every last drop of cricketing enthusiasm out of the youngsters desperately longing for an opportunity to shine…..

Okay, it’s not quite that bad, but there is little doubt that this fixture, above all, is the one that means most to the Cavaliers, many of whom learnt their ‘art’ (ahem) at Harpenden CC colts but were never truly welcomed in to the club and consequently drifted away. HCC’s a different place these days, of course, and graciously welcomed the Cavaliers to the Common with great bonhomie, a belting track and, as it turned out, a somewhat weak team. The Cavs, meanwhile, arrived with a travelling fanbase of an unprecedented size. Throughout the afternoon, no less than 7 WAGs were present, plus a host of brothers, sisters, mums, dads, aunts, cousins and even the latest addition to the Cavs youth policy, sporting the second smallest Cavs jumper ever commissioned (the smallest, of course, being Ellis’s)

The sun once more had his hat on, if not quite as firmly as in previous weeks, and skipper Jay Wise duly lost the toss and – inevitably – the Cavs were soon slapping on the sunblock and taking their places in the field. The tone was set as early as the third ball, when the opener drove sweetly past Nick Brindley in the covers and the ball raced on towards the boundary. Or so everyone thought – until everyone’s favourite North London giant keeled over like a great Sequoia felled by a burley Californian lumberjack, extended a Mr Tickle arm, reeled the ball in and hurled it to the stumps, leaving Gareth Lloyd the simplest of tasks in removing the bails. 0/1, and one of the key dangermen back in the (newly refurbished, and very nicely too) hutch.

From the Pavilion End, Jim Handford was his usual self, constantly probing and keen to produce in front of his new ladyfriend Dr Ruth (not the pint-sized Jewish sex therapist, of course, that would be odd even for Jim). He soon took the second wicket, removing the other opener – batting in a work shirt, no less – with a generous LBW that was a little harsh on the bat but a fair reward for Jim’s typically combative spell. From the Statty Fair End, Fraser Tant was bowling a mixture of wide long-hops and peachy outswingers, and after a few edges through slips and legside wides, he was replaced by the aforementioned Brindley. On a rock hard pitch, his pace was to prove unplayable, and the gentle giant would finish with 2 for 21 off 8.1 overs and walk off with the coveted Man of the Match award. Simon Foster replaced Handford and the wily fox soon had his name on the scoreboard, thanks to one of the Cavs all-time great catches*, Tant diving full length at short extra cover to cling on one-handed to a full-blooded drive. At 40 for 4, the hosts were in trouble – even more so when Handford held on to a skier for the first of three wickets from Lance Boyd-Clark’s slow left arm. Todd Baines was soon in the action, giving his watching leggy blonde girlfriend something to be proud of with a direct hit run out from cover point, and the Cavs were firmly in the driving seat. Even an injury to the newly married Jim Burton couldn’t dampen the Cavs enthusiasm, and a simple catch by Brind off Tant , one by Lloyd off Brindley another by Tant off Boyd-Clark saw the hosts innings close at 135 all out from 43.1 overs.

This looked at least 60 runs short, and but the time Jay and Todd had put on 50 for the first wicket, the game was all but won. Spoons fell for 15, unable to prove a point to the team he left on a Bosman to join the Cavaliers, but Jay batted on serenely, well and truly out of the batting doldrums with a chanceless 47. He was accompanied by Thorpe who, despite spending the night before asleep in the Cavs kit bag in his shed having locked himself out of the house, hit an unbeaten half century (having outrageously unsheathed and wielded Wormwood without the required written consent from her owner). He then promptly retired, leaving Paul Wise the thankless task of going out to bat with only a handful of runs needed. Fortunately for the Prince, he didn’t need to face a ball, and the game ended somewhat comically with 4 wides that the umpire was adamant gave the Cavs the winning runs, contrary to the scorer’s views on the matter.

Not to worry, though. The Cavs had won, and can go to next week’s new fixture against the Chain Gang in high spirits. “Yeah, it was job done” commented skipper Wise. “ The lads did all I could have asked of them. Great in the field, probing with the ball, solid with the bat and with plenty of support from their nearest and dearest. It’s a proud day.”

Man of the Match: Nick Brindley, for quality bowling
Champagne moment: Fraser Tant’s catch
Orange Cap of Shame: Ellis Thorpe – kipping in the kit bag, nicking wormwood and protecting his average with only 3 runs needed to win.

*impartial journalism at its very best. Benny Rankin, take note.