Match
reports
Ah, the saturday game on
tour. This is traditionally a tricky fixture for a number
of reasons - its hard to find good quality opposition; the
hangovers are at their most potent; and the fifths feel
obliged to give the lowers a game.
And it didn't look like it would be any different at Whitchurch
on the saturday of the Chester tour. Jim Burton's antics
seemed to set the tone - here was a man who started the
day declaring, 'I'm NOT hungover - I'm ILL', warmed up for
the game by attaching a cavalier tattoo to his bell-end,
and went on to be clean bowled by a 12-year old girl called
Evie. But, fortunately, the day will always remain in cavalier
history for a very different reason.
The omens weren't great. A 4am finish the night before.
An artificial wicket. Tiny people playing for the oppo.
An outfield resembling the surface of the moon. And Timmy
F and Mitch opening. But the true grit of the lowers opening
pair immediately started to shine through, like the soleil
through the nuage. And it had to - the opening bowler, Flowers,
demanded it. Flowers - the thought of him makes one shiver
even now. Line. Length. Pace. He snorted up to the crease
and delivered with venom, ball after ball after devastating
ball. All four foot f**kin' eight of him. Flowers was a
bowling machine in rage. And he soon used all eleven-and-three-quarter
years of experience to nip Timmy F out for 5, Mitch out
for 1, and Toothy for 2. No blame can be attached to the
batsmen - it was a mesmerising bowling performance, one
of which all watching can, in later years, say 'I was there'.
Oh, then Firms and Jim Burton were lbw and bowled respectively
by a girl.
But all of this was merely a prelude to the main event.
Because this day, Saturday 11th June, was a turning point
in Cavs history, the day that a mighty target was reached
- the first Cavaliers' ton. And the fall of Timmy F's wicket
simply hastened the moment forward, by ushering Shaun Roy
to the crease. The time was 2.41pm. Twenty overs, eighty-five
minutes, fourteen 4s and three 6s later, Shaun Roy and the
Cavaliers declared on 101no and 150/5 respectively, and
a new chapter was writ in Cavs legend. Gareth Lloyd supported
ably, finishing on 21no, equivalent to an exhilarating strike
rate of 7.1%. (The statisticians among us might also be
interested to know that 92% of Shaun Roy's runs were scored
in one area, off one shot, a new record.) The heroic Roy
was carried from the pitch, sweating pure stella, elated
but exhausted. He was pronounced medically dead at 4pm,
but made a quick enough recovery to be spotted fielding
at first slip just ten minutes later. Congratulations to
Shaun Roy on his achievement, from all Cavaliers, past and
present.
But the Whitchurch massive* were unbowed, uncowed, undaunted
and, in many cases, under-age. They opened their innings
strongly, with some skill and guile. They were also helped
by a growing extras total as the Cavaliers struggled to
come to terms with the artificial wicket, their hangovers,
and being driven blind by a mad jealous desire to get revenge
for their earlier embarrassment with the bat. All the bowlers
had to cope with their own personal demons. Brindley - too
tall, looking like Peter Crouch - finished with 2 for 19,
Burton - tattoo chaffing, looking like Ron Atkinson - finished
with 0 for 10, Firmin - bowling at second slip, looking
for a miracle - 1 for 31, the Foster boys - looking like
each other - finishing with combined figures of 1 for 34,
Tant - admirably trying not to look bored - 2 for 10, and
Richell - trying not to look in the eye of the girl he was
bowling to - 2 for 6. Whitchurch finally succumbed to 98
all out.
You can only beat what's put in front of you - and we nearly
didn't. But a victoire is a victoire, and in future years
it will simply read 'W' in the scorebook. (Though I fear
that those of us de-flowered by Flowers or emasculated by
Evie may never truly forget the horror, the sheer awful
horror.) But the day belonged to Shaun Roy - the first Cavaliers
centurion, who, under warm sun in a quiet corner of north-west
England, made Cavaliers history.
* not literally - the average height of the Whitchurch team
barely scraped over five foot
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